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Snoring facts and cures for you

Snoring Jokes

Jokes about snoring have been around a long time, with non-snorers andSnoring Jokes even snorers having a laugh at the expense of us snorers. Society in general have always found a way to see the lighter side of a subject no matter what it may be, and snoring jokes has been no exception.

This page does not make light of snoring, and serious subject matter can be found elsewhere on this site, such as under the menu Snoring facts, but it is intended to show that yes, we also have a sense of humor. You will find old and new jokes here, but no matter if you have heard it before, I am sure the jokes in here can at least still make you smile.

So read on and I hope you enjoy. Please feel free to leave any comments below. Also note that new jokes will be added over time, so make sure you visit regularly.


How to stop snoring? Place pillow tightly over partners face, hold firmly until snoring stops. Then delete this message.


4 college students moved into an apartment with 2 bedrooms. Their names were Kevin, Paul, Jordan, and Kyle. The first 3 quickly found out Kyle had a terrible snoring problem. Nobody wanted to room with hishotgun for your snoringm. They agreed to take turns. The first night was Kevin’s turn. The next morning, Kevin walks out into the living room, with glazed eyes and a zombie like shuffle. Paul and Jordan ask “what happened?” Kevin says “Well he was snoring so loud that I couldn’t fall asleep at all, so I just sat up and watched him all night.” The next night, Paul rooms with Kyle. The next morning, his eyes are bloodshot and his hair is a wild mess. He says “Kyle was snoring so loud last night that instead of sleeping I sat up and stared at him all night.” Night 3 is Jordan’s turn. Jordan is an ex-football player weighing about 250 pounds. The next morning, he walks into the living room with bright eyes and a spring in his step. Paul and Kevin, obviously surprised, ask him how the last night went. Jordan says “Well before I went to sleep I tucked Kyle in and kissed him goodnight, and instead of sleeping he sat up and watched me all night.


When his wife’s snoring woke him for the third straight night, Harry went to the bathroom medicine cabinet, got some aspirin and popped two tablets into her gaping mouth.
‘Awk, glub!’ choked his startled wife. ‘What the…’
‘It’s okay, honey. I gave you some aspirin,’ he explained.
‘Why? I don’t have a headache!’
‘Great!’ said Harry, triumphantly. ‘Let’s Make Love!’


Not Ladylike to snore

Two old women were sitting on a bench waiting for their bus. The buses were running late, and a lot of time passed.
Finally, one woman turned to the other and said, “You know, I’ve been sitting here so long, my butt fell asleep!”
The other woman turned to her and said “I know! I heard it snoring!”


A woman was having a medical problem – her husband snoring. So she called the doctor one morning, and asked him if there was anything he could do to relieve her “suffering.”
“Well, there is one operation I can perform that will cure your husband, but it is really rather expensive. It will cost $1000 down, and payments of $450 for 24 months, plus payments for extras.”
“My goodness!” the woman exclaimed, “sounds like leasing a new sports car!”
“Hmm,” the doctor murmured, “too obvious, huh?”


The wife was complaining that she couldn’t sleep with my snoring.
So I went to the Pharmacist and bought this new snoring mask, its great!
You can wrap it on your wife’s face and you can’t hear her complain.


Sleep Another Room if you snore


Things were getting pretty steamy in bed with the missus last night so I did the right thing and reached under the bed, grabbed what I needed, tore the packet open, put it on and gave her a great silencing.

Those snoring strips really do work.


I said to my doctor, “Doctor, as soon as I fall asleep I start snoring.”Sleep apnea joke
He asked, “Is it loud?” I replied, “Very.”
He said, “Does it bother your wife?”I replied, “I’m not married.”
“Then what’s the problem?” he asked.
“I’ve lost jobs because of it.” I replied.


I had a fight with my wife this morning, for snoring all night and keeping me awake.

“Just roll me on my side, and I’ll stop” she said.

So I’ve got a couple of the friends staying over tonight, to give me a hand.


For years my wife complained about my snoring, and for some $2 earplugs, I’ve managed to sort it out.

I can’t hear her moaning now.


Seated in snoring area


Last night I said to my blonde girlfriend “I think there’s a bed bug in here” she replied “don’t be silly, who’d want to listen to you snoring”?


My husband said that he had no sleep last night, because my snoring kept waking him up.
I don’t know what he is complaining about, if my snoring was waking him up then he’s obviously had some bloody sleep.


I went back to some girl’s place last night.Love to punch you

As we got into her bed I said, “You’re going to be absolutely exhausted tomorrow, don’t expect any sleep tonight!”

“I don’t mind that,” she giggled.

“Glad to hear it,” I said. “My snoring is out of control.”


I’ve just bought one of those things from a shop that will help my husband stop snoring at night.

It’s called a gun.


After years of trying to sleep next to a snoring, farting husband, we’ve decided on single beds.

His’ is in Scotland, mine’s in England.


Click here for one liner snoring jokes


Went out last night and got really drunk. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring very loudly, so I was relieved as I knew I made it home OK!


Dog Snore Less


I’ve had trouble sleeping because of my wife’s constant snoring, so I went to see my local doctor.

“Have you tried rolling her over?” he suggested.

So, that night I tried it and it really worked. After half an hour of trying to roll her over I fell asleep exhausted.


My lawyer was supposed to give his closing statement when suddenly I heard him snoring next to me.

I woke him up and said, “Man, what do you think you’re doing?”

He went, “The defense rests.”


You want to laugh a bit more? Have a listen and see if you can find out what you sound like the most. Click to hear all the snoring sounds.

 

 

 

 

 

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