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Snoring facts and cures for you

Snoring jokes one liners


This page does not make light of snoring, and serious subject matter can be found under snoring facts, and other parts of this site, but it is intended to see the funny side of snoring. Snoring one liners have been around for a very long time. So it is possible you might have heard some of these before, but I thought they were good enough to be included here, and to possibly still make you smile.

This is an evolving page and new content will be added from time to time, so make sure you visit regularly. You will also find a few ‘not quite one liners’ and one liners about exercising further down, which I included as exercising can also help in controlling snoring. So read on and I hope you enjoy. Please leave any comments below.

  1. His snoring was so loud that patches wouldn’t help. He still cracked some windows.
  2. I envy people who sleep next to someone who snore… Because I lie awake all night next to someone who snores!
  3. This woman encourages her husband’s mission to get rid of his snoring. She suggested Saturn.
  4. I can never last long in bed. Five minutes of my wife’s snoring and I’m off to the spare room.
  5. Yesterday, he took his snoring to new highs. It was heard three flights up.
  6. I keep waking myself in the night with my snoring. I should be fine tonight though, I’m going to sleep in the spare room.
  7. This guy’s wife found a quieter place for his snoring. She went to the airport.
  8. She told him that his snoring could wake the dead, so he stopped. He got scared that he might wake his mother-in-law.
  9. The one who snores will fall asleep first. – ProverbSnoring jokes one liners
  10. A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snore. – Terry Pratchett
  11. Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. – Anthony Burgess
  12. Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts.
  13. Danny’s wife once tried a new type of nose plugs for his snoring. They were plungers.
  14. My husband woke me up with his snoring yesterday. “For goodness sake!” I said, grabbing the wheel, “Are you trying to kill us?!”
  15. I’ve always wondered why my girlfriend snores, she said she had her nose broken a few of times… Didn’t teach her much! She’s still bloody snores.
  16. My wife tells me that I snore a lot. So I stayed up last night to see if I could hear myself, and…. nothing.
  17. I think my new girlfriend really loves me very much. She lies awake all night listening to my snoring.PissedOff
  18. She does not: SNORE She is: NASALLY REPETITIVE
  19. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.Click here for more snoring jokes
  20. I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
  21. There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
  22. Laugh at your problems, everybody else will.
  23. Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
  24. I don’t have a beer gut; I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.
  25. I’m in shape. Round is a shape!
  26. I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.
  27. Best excuse if someone asks you to go out with them and you don’t want to; Sorry I have to stay home to see if I snore!
  28. What was a dinosaur called that kept other dinosaurs awake? A Bronto-snore-us.
  29. Women do not snore, fart or burp, they therefore have to bitch and moan or else they will blow up.
  30. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
  31. Beer is better than men, because beer doesn’t snore.
  32. What is Gregorian chant? It is a way of singing in unison, invented by monks to hide snoring.
You want to laugh a bit more? Have a listen and see if you can find out what you sound like the most. Click to hear all the snoring sounds.





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